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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in tehdarkfox's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, January 1st, 2009
5:47 pm
So, where to begin...
I started off the end/start of the year with a chemical burn on my scalp because I felt the need to get my hair restraightened. I also ended up finding out that a good deal more of my family are pot heads than I knew before.

It's kind of weird, eh? Apart from that, my granmother is going to teach me to sew, and I have quite a bit to say about other facets of my life, but eh, for the moment, I guess this is all I can put forward.

Current Mood: blank
Monday, December 1st, 2008
2:48 pm
I should really...
Do more with this.
But my life is weird, I mean, how can it not be when you lose a family member, get hit by a trash truck the next day, and in two days after that you get on the news with your school. It all echoes some weird call to the wild, but eh, I'm lost at the moment.
Sunday, January 27th, 2008
9:46 pm
Meh

Hidden behind a placid smile


If given the chance between life and death, people choose to go on. In a war ravaged world, they still hope, they still yearn for the chance to be happy, for that one time in which they can return to the old ways of life. What happens when the old way is lost forever? What happens when death and destruction have torn the old ways from the people? The corporations gave us the answer, through muscle augmentation, neural implantation, and theoretical supplementation. From a young age, we were experimented on, tortured beyond the limits to produce the perfect soldier.

The Vapid Smile, a group of children synthesized to fight the shadow wars, to halt the uprisings, and to destroy the dissenting parties. In this cruel and unforgiving society where science was allowed over the lines of ethics, prominent military groups came to take hold of governments and push forth research to further pursue global conquest. The major powers turned to biological and chemical means, hoping to plunge entire states into a nightmare beyond past fears. Our society had nothing left to lose, so they turned to their own children, selecting a starting sample size of five hundred, ninety-five percent of which died in the initial trials.

The global arms race continued, with years becoming decades, all of which culminated into minor conflicts to field test new weapons. The Vapid Smile was kept in the dark for the duration of the turbulent times

Thursday, August 23rd, 2007
2:47 pm
The first page
Of a story my friend had me write, I'll probably get around to posting the concept work she drew based around it later today.

The rain fell for days in the dark city while lightning bolts pulsed in the distance. While people darted across the the streets, trying to meet family or see a treasured someone, the nightlife behind the scenes slowly started to emerge. Along the rooftops, a small group watched the scene beneath them, snickering at the trivial nature that humanity grasped. Speaking in growls and snarls, they spoke of what was to come, the grand feast and the culmination of the peace treaties.


The group slowly moved along the top of the city, always watching the ones they looked down upon, the ones not inflicted with their blessing disguised as a curse. As they slowly picked up speed, they could see their destination in the distance, St. Augustine's Cathedral, a testament to the middle ages architecture. It's many spires pointed towards the heaven, yet it had been desecrated by Machiavel's coven. The exterior was wrought with spires and brilliant rose windows from times passed, while the inside was more like a modern nightclub, filled with lights and speakers to fuel the vampires lust for parties.


As the contingent from Grevioux's pack entered the Cathedral, they slowly shifted shapes, the whole while their bones snapped and cracked in a loud manner. The sounds alerted two men dressed in suits who came to the entry hall to investigate the source of noise.

“Ah, it seems the lycans have arrive Grigori,” One of the men spoke wryly. “isn't it your job to notice these things?”

“It seems as such comrade.” Grigori shook his head at his companions attempt at humour.

“We are here to see Machiavel.” One of the lycans spoke the words with a slight gruffness to his voice.

“Fine Messer, he's been waiting to see you,” The first man spoke again. “Grigori will show you to his office.”


Grigori led Messer down the hallway and stood in front of a large set of doors, all the while violent vibrations shook the doors every few seconds. Grigori pushed open the doors to reveal a rave of immense proportions with music that was nearly deafening. The two men slowly pushed through the mass of people, making their way toward the door behind the pulpit. As they walked amongst the throng of people, the strobe lights flashed wildly as they all danced, moving in eternal bliss as they had no true cares in this world. Messer looked from left to right, seeing all forms of people, from those who were intoxicated on any number of substances, to those who were sitting on leather couches chatting with others of frivolous events that had occurred in their materialistic lives.


As the two men finally broke through the mass of moving flesh, they stood in front of the door. Griogori lightly rapped the door before opening it, an action which bathed both he and Messer in a dim light. Griogori stepped into the room, turning back to motion Messer to do the same. Messer closed the door as he walked in and looked around the dimly lit room, seeing only one person beside he and his companion. A woman whose presence shocked Messer sat behind a desk, her hair in a state of controlled chaos while the piercing in her lip slightly glinted in the light. Grigori walked up to her and conversed with her quickly in a mass of whispers and nodding.


Messer watched the two speak, all the while his mind began to drift, displacing him into what seemed a different world entirely. A smell like bitter almonds wafted gently in the dim room, signifying the deed was done recently. Hundreds of lifeless bodies lay scattered around the room, all of which were slowly being moved by young men, all of which were clad in clothes that were remnants of the of the outside world. A younger Messer was among these men, yet he was sickened everyday by what he was doing, and also by what he got from doing it. Day in and day out, he escorted people to their death, whether to be gassed or executed, and he hated every moment of it.

Thursday, August 2nd, 2007
12:17 am
Hello world
I wanted this to be a bit more permanent than on another site I posted it on.



So, I'm sitting here, been sitting here all day, just reading. I want to go out to Orange County next summer on a bike and back, just to see what most people fail to see, to have the open air around me on a trip. I want to love the world and accept it, so why not this way? Why not try something most will never do, something that will make me feel like I'm actually alive and not just some shell. I want to be like a friend of mine who stopped taking her Anti-depressants and mood elevators, to feel nice without needing some chemical influencing it all. Am I crazy mates? Or am I slowly thinking of a way to be truly sane in this hectic world?

http://www.intransit.tv

The website that helped start this train of thinking.

Good evenin' mates, every one of ya.
Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007
9:41 pm
Cloud age lies.

Just get out of here for just one day

The sky lights up with the sight of life

The fire that burns deep down inside

The world slowly turns on

Going further on

So I wait for my chance to shine


People are
So blind in these times

Just to get away

Is meaningless here

Is meaningless to them


Flying so high

Up in this

Orange sky

The diamonds

Fall from space

To impact the earth

With superior grace

Just like dancers

Spinning away in the sky


People were blind

To the problems of life

Now they float away

Beautiful clouds in the sky

Beautiful words from the stars

Saturday, May 19th, 2007
9:23 pm
8 Random things
I bet only you'll read this Bunny, but I'll do it regardless.

1 - I want to get S.t.a.l.k.e.r. Tattooed to my arm just as Strelok has across his to show my support for the game and also because being marked as one will serve as a constant reminder of the Chernobyl incident.
2 - I have caused two concussions to myself which is on of the things I think caused such horrid memory loss.
3 - Memories from before around the 6th or 7th grade are extremely blurry to non existant.
4 - I believe most people I know will never be trusted beyond my name and interests, I am extremely misanthropic and even moreso now after all the recent events.
5 - I want to become some sort of writer, whether scripts or books or whatever, I want to atleast develop my writing to something higher.
6 - I possibly want to follow the path of my school counselor(That of majoring in religion/philosophy for undergrad then going onto school counseling as a grad)
7 - I really wish to just up and leave one day and leave the majority of all those I know behind and end up somewhere in which no one knows my name(a song helped me wish for this).
8 - I have feelings like that of Sylar, wanting to be special and feeling I'd have to have the abilities of others to be something better.
Tuesday, May 15th, 2007
12:02 am
Lament of the broken.
My delicate rose
Your petals turned black
Your hatred abound
I've lost all my tact
My madness consumes me
My madness controls me
The world is turning black
Leaving an abyss
In place of heart I lack
This is the end
My world is falling down
The dreams they haunt
Pain is all around
I slowly lose it
Falling to the ground
Oh my sweet rose
Where are you now?
Sunday, April 29th, 2007
1:07 am
Woo
Because of you bunny, I'm bored and going to write twenty random facts about myself.
1-My OCD stretches far and wide
2-I have a phobia of leaving messages on peoples phones whom I don't talk to much or know that well
3-Many people think I'm Bi polar(I might be)
4-I would only join the military for a way out of "real life"
5-As my grades have improved, my esteem and emotions have fallen
6-Listening to music evens me out
7-I am generally misanthropic
8-I really like pie
9-From my knowledge I feel no sensation of pleasure in my penis(funny)
10-I like the smell of lighter fluid
11-Most of my writing influences come from thoughts pertaining to games and those that come from music
12-I will miss school to go to the hospital as my sister births her second child
13-I've wasted vast chunks of time figuring out why I don't think my writing is any good
14-I've all but given up on trying to talk to most people I know
15-I want to go to Korea and try my hand at working there
16-My dog is named socks
17-The white shoes I wore the day my last dog was attacked still have his blood on them while they have sat in the same spot I left them 2 months ago, never worn since
18-Teachers love when I ask stupid questions and say college professors would love such things(I love lies people try to feed me)
19-I believe in more of a viewpoint that there really is no need for my existence other than to try to help certain people
20-Many people consider me strange because I don't want to listen to mainstream music and dress in trendy ways, even moreso when I just go off on a tangent and make weird sounds and movements

I once scared most of a class to the point where some thought I was going to choke someone, fun.
Saturday, April 14th, 2007
9:55 pm
Chernobyl Exclusion.

A freedom operatives thoughts

Pamplin, Daraelyn

Per 5

25/03/07


The Zone is an ever growing system, one that has much to offer. Some try to protect the world from this anomaly and cordon it off, this is not the answer to something many consider dangerous. The Zone should be open for all who seek to gain knowledge of it and all that lurks inside it's numerous borders, instead those who seek to enter are punished for their pursuit of knowledge and profit.

The Zone is an entity that can provide observation of changes in heavily irradiated environments and the life they hold. Research of this nature could advance our knowledge on the topic of radiation and it's effects on natural flora and fauna. Abominations as considered by outsiders and those against the zone, Blind Dogs can perhaps shape research as they are the children of the Zone.

Opponents to a free Zone, such as DUTY operatives, wish to control the zone and destroy it to “protect” the world from danger. The actions such groups pursue would leave the Zone more than secure than it already is or as a smoking crater with radiation levels off the charts. The main goal of someone who wishes to protect the world is to cut the head off of a dangerous animal rather than living with it, thus signifying a disaster in the bushes.

Others wish for a heavily militarized presence in the zone, yet this is also not the answer. Many platoons already emplaced in the shoot many would be Stalkers on sight, leaving little time to even study the wildlife on the outer rim of the Zone. These units should be placed to help those in need and not fire upon any who dare enter the reserve of sorts.

The government of Ukraine would probably state differently seeing as they are responsible for the area. In all honesty they would, like DUTY, do away with the zone completely if given half the chance. A solution should be made for these ideas, yet they try to protect themselves and keep the area generally free of looting. In all, what they wish to pursue is noble yet in the wrong direction and thus they should aim to work alongside those who wish to use the Zone as a tool.

All in all, the Zone is both life and death, filled with unforeseen dangers and bountiful rewards. The Zone should be left to the discretion of those who wish to traverse it for information instead of destroyed or guarded by a heavy military presence. The simple truth is that it is a working system and not some horrific monster created by man as many sought to believe upon first reports of mutation. The Zone is what we can learn from, the Zone is something we can protect.



The Zone: The area around the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant that was most heavily effected by the incident in 1986. Heavily irradiated and containing many forms of mutated life and presence by people known as Stalkers.

Stalkers: People who transverse the Zone, a wide assortment of men bent on learning or making money in ways only they know how.

Blind dogs: A dog so heavily effected by radiation it's eyesight is lost yet gains a collective concious with others and uses other sensory organs to live.

Monday, February 12th, 2007
8:46 pm

Herr Meiwes und Der Schwartzfuchs.

By: Detlef Fuchs


So here we have Armin Meiwes, otherwise known as the Metzgermeister, or the Master Butcher in English. A celebrity brought forth by infamy through his cannibalistic acts toward another man. Today we here at Das Schwartzwerk get to peer into this man's soul.

When I walked into the visiting area of the prison, a man of grand proportions sat at a table in the middle of the room, looking like any random person off of the street. A pleasing air surrounded this man as he gave a gentle smile whilst greeting me. Surely people think of this man as some vile and repugnant creature living with no manners, yet he disproved this within seconds of meeting him.

“First of all,” I started with a simple question. “why did you feel the need to commit what many see as a dreadful offence?”

“Well it was as if desire wanted only to bring forth that moment,” He spoke quite gently as he explained. “like the ever hungry fire desires only to consume everything in it's path.

“So from nothing sprang forth the need to do such a thing?” I watched him ponder the answer to the question.

“To be honest, it was like a grand hunger for something abundant yet still rare,” His speech was monotonous at this time. “like diamonds so to say.”

“Well then, what was it like?”

“As you and your readers know, the internet has made connecting with others rather simple,” He scratched his chin before finishing his statement. “that and after eating this specimen of sorts, it makes it easy to say that the texture and taste was similar to more normal facets of dining.”

“So that's to say it was acceptable to your tastes?”

“To be honest, it appealed to my tastes very much so.”

“Well apart from that, what are your thoughts on recent media and it's direction on you?”

“To say that it is a bit unjust is an understatement on my behalf,” He shook his head slowly as he spoke. “the limelight in both a film to a song that are reaching out globally portray me as a villain in the publics eye.”

“Well what are your plans to combat this then?”

“Well I have already won a court case against a group of musicians,” He spoke of the ever famous group Rammstein in a more scholarly manner than most would. “and the government has already banned the release of a film in the country on my behalf.”

“So would you say you are happy about this win against these people?”

“Very much so considering it shows that if they do something to give me a bad name, I will

Armin Meiwes, Photograph taken by a friend before the event.

respond with legal action.”

“So that is to say that you are ready to deal with anyone who you claim to be portraying you in an unjust light?” I asked rather intently.

“If they will continue to do such things then yes, I will take it up with the legal system of this country.” He folded his hands at the end of this sentence.

After Meiwes and I talked a bit more, I began to realize that this man was nowhere near the portrayals other media outlets tried to show him as. A rather simple yet educated man who did one wrong thing by the majority's standards but with someone who consented to it. To be honest and fair, his case should be reviewed seeing as even though what he did was wrong, he tried to make things right before he was even persecuted. In all certainty though, this man is neither evil nor repugnant, but well read and gentle.

Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
2:01 pm
Rivet rise

Machines pumping out

The marvels of the day

Faceless individuals

Move them on their way

Factories spitting out

Every little thing

The revolution upon us

Every single day

We fight the wars

and pave the way

Laughed and scoffed at

Yet we will rise

and sweep the world

Fighting in total chaos

Lost are words


Weapons risen

The deed to be done

Fighting the world

Each and everyone


Taking to the streets

We break walls down

Such an amazing feat

For this group

The swell of troops

All nameless and faceless

An impassable force
A reckless mob

Turned from the gates

Of your dear god

We speak no words

We emerge from fog

On this grey dawn

Todays the day

When things are done

Monday, December 18th, 2006
10:46 pm
Fearless

Thousands marching

Always fighting

We came

To end this war

The mighty German machine

Will be no more

Fearless marching forward

This is our war

Fearless marching forward

Forever more




War, it's almost what I live for.
Friday, December 15th, 2006
9:11 pm
Sadistic?

With a blade

I dismember

They bled

Now I slowly rape the dead
Now I slowly lose my head

I wait in silence

I sit in blood

I feel alive

When my victims fall cold

I love the stench

of spilt blood

The scent clenches

to my clothes

I stand for stolen innocence

I stand for greed

I stand in cold blood

Wishing for more

I stare coldly

On this bloody shore

8:37 pm
Two things from a day of sickness

Feeling splattered on the bathroom floor


Here I lay

Everyday

On your bathroom floor

My stomach

I clutch it

I wallow in pain

Knowing every minute

All the time

Everyday

I'm insane

I can't get over you

I can't get rid of you

I wait

I say

Things never should've been this way

I despise it all anyway

Let this lesson be learned

I'll never have you

and it hurts

But I always find you

In the darkness deep inside of me


 

Regrets


 

I regret ever looking

At you that day

I regret giving you

The time of day

I regret it all
Everything I said

All the feelings I have left

No one knows

Why I am

The way I am

Pain rests in my eyes

These things

I despise

Lay shattered here

Maybe I can

Reuse broken pieces of glass

But until I can

Break away

From everyone

Who seems to say

Another day

I regret it all

No one left

That I can call

This night is through

Just as I always knew

Thursday, December 14th, 2006
8:25 pm
Charred flesh

Charred man

With so skin black

What happened?

Is it feeling you lack?

Can you see what you have done?

Can you do what you want?

You body burned

Your soul is gone


Can you tell me

Where it all goes

When one life ends

And another is born


Another man

Another day

You changed

Now you're this way

What happened

To make you that way

Were you trapped

Or did you do it yourself

Maybe one day

I'll find out myself


Can you tell me

What happened to you

Why life ends

To recreate you


Another life

Another day

What can you say?

Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
5:51 am
Isolation

Isolation in a hole

Trapped down far below

Light can't shine down on me

Yet I wish not to see

All the men kill
Wanting not be part of this

Hide far, away from it

Or else you'll soon be sick

Isolation, you know you're going

Isolation, you can't stop running

3:35 am

Maybe I should write in a newer way, or post what new bits to my story I have.


Overkill Round and Round


Overflowing

With the sound

I can't take it

The dice fall

It goes down

This is the end

I feel insane

It's overkill

Overflowing

It falls down

This is it


Schuss schuss schuss

The world spins round and round

Schuss schuss schuss

Yet I sit underground


Approaching overkill

Oh such a thrill

I trip over everything

The night means everything

The contents fall around

Covering the ground

I can't deal with this

Just to much bullshit

Yet it's insatiable

I can't give it up

Yes it's overkill


 


Give me a reason

Give me a reason to say why

Tell me what you did

Why do you always have to lie?

Why can't you just say

the things you did?

You know I won't

Turn you away

Just like the night turns into day

I cannot let you stray

So far away

I want you to stay

Just give me a reason

I don't want to be turned

I want to stay by your side

This time where we must become one

Without you I am not whole

Without you I cannot go

You see the pain

Deep in my eyes

You know my words

Can never be lies

Thursday, November 23rd, 2006
8:45 am
Empty
I doubt this is really read, if it is probably by less people than I think would. My mind is in tatters at the moment, I feel sick in my head.

A forked tongue beast stares me down
With each passing moment
I feel as if I drown
Chained to the ground
With no place to hide
I stand tall
Willing to die

Blood slowly seeps from the wounds
I cry in pain
So much pain
But no one
Will notice
This is it
The end
For me

Slowly I burn away
Resting on the bed of flames
Nothing left to save
Nothing left to fight for
No one notices that I go
The last night in this world
Filled with torment
Filled with death

I feel cold in both my body and mind...What will become of such a wayward soul?
Thursday, November 16th, 2006
3:37 am
Something beautiful and something horrid
Two things this time

Tanz bis du stirbtst



One in the morning
This was our fantasy
We went downstairs
Playing tango music
So you know the night was close to end
So miss come with me
To the ends of the world
Every night
I wish
For you
To wake up next to you

But tonight we dance
We will dance
Till you die
No stopping here
Your feet will fly
Across this floor

Three comes quickly by
Lost track of time
The world spins
Giving a sigh
Seeing as we can't
Let the night die
Going on
Till eternity dies


Flower laden battlefield

Fields of fire surround me

Lost in a minefield

Covered by flowers

Such a sight of beauty


The army changed

Everything about me

Fighting harder and faster

Than I thought I could

Now I know why

Killing is my art


A minister of death

I pray for darker days

Filled with war

So I cannot sleep


One day passes by

The orchestra keeps playing it's songs

About the blood

That will always stain

These two hands of mine

Every night I kneel and pray

That I will never know

Another way to live


So hey baby

Don't you know I'm in the TSRT?

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